I don't usually arrange sex via text message
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
