Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
