Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
