I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
