Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
