I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
there is puke in my bra ... again
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