is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
