I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
