Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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