Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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