just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
