i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
