i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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