it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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