so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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