Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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