sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
