I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
