i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
