who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
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