he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
