I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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