Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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