i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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