Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
