The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
