Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
