I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
