whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
