it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Randomize
