i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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