i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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