i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
