Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
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