Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Your mouth is God's brothel.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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