I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
