your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
