kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
