Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
