hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
