I'm sorry my penis didn't work
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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