sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
