NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
