i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
