i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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