Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
