new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
