Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
