i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
