Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
