She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
