he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
