Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I think people are normalizing furries
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
