u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
