glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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