I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
the liver wants what the liver wants
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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